Zombies! Run Season 2

When I was living in Saratoga New York, once the snow melts in April, you'll see people wearing shorts and flip flops sitting on the campus green. I never get that, yes, there is no snow, but it's still roughly 50 degrees! Unfortunately the same happens in San Francisco, if we are lucking we get a nice 70 degree afternoon. But we always get steady 55s in mornings and evenings. As my body has no tolerance for cold, I really do not see a chance in wearing a sun dress to work :( 

Despite of that, summer is still exciting, my co-workers were talking about camping trips and hiking, travelling to nearby cities or even Mexico. Ming and I are planning a little fishing excursion... All this sun and fun is just begging me to get into shape. 

Without snowboarding the next sport inline for me is running, people who know me probably know I am obsessed with this zombie running simulation app. But this time motivation to run came from something else:

A couple weeks ago, Ming and I saw a video about a 95 year old skier. I don't think I need to explain anymore. He is sharp, athletic, agile, and he exercises an hour a day to keep himself fit, so he can ski more. After I started working fulltime, regularly exercise seems like a luxury, and maybe it's psychological but I just feel my energy level drop. I sleep longer hours, laze infront of the TV in the evenings... and pretty much that's it. Well, I don't know if I'll be healthy at 95 if I continue to live like that.

So last week, I decided to wake up at 7 to run before work every morning. And, the day I decided to start this new routine, Zombies! Run Season 2 came out! Yes, in case you don't know it's a game you play with headphones on while running with your iphone, and the game makes you sprint away from zombies in intervals. Throughout the game you are running as Runner 5 for a town in a post-zombie-apocalypse world. Season 2 unfolds a whole new chapter to our community, and I can't wait to run the rest of the episodes. 

And best of all, I feel great! Running helps me sleep earlier and better at night, it also energizes my day. That was also related to my decision of keeping the TV off in the evenings. Thanks to the steady exchanges of emails with my Skidmore buddies, they constantly remind me that life has to be lived. Although it feels pretty good to let your brain die for a while watching TV in the evening, there's other things to do: Cook, read, draw, listen to music... That reminds me, I really want to go to the movies.

Last weekend on Granite Chief

It's been a while since I posted anything... Roughly two weeks has past since our company's rebrand launch and slowly I feel I am getting my life back. I can make dinner again, the occasional breakfast, and sometimes pack lunch. Do the laundry in the evening, and kind of tidy the house a bit... 

Although the feeling of insecurity still looms around my work, I think I'm learning to cope with it. Trying not to think about my inexperience, my lack of business/marketing degree, my not so perfect grammer... even if I do suck, working twenty-four seven would not completely make up for it. So mind as well, not, I did my best Monday to Friday, the weekends are MINE! 

This is the last weekend our ski resort, Squaw Valley will be open. Most of the snow has melted away and the mountain looks sadly brown, but we will make the most of it. Snowboarding is always fun, I love the fact it is a sport that's technical and mental. (maybe that's every sport, but I was never involved in any, only hiking I guess) We hiked all the way up to a great run with lots of soft snow, only to have my legs turn to jello when I was about to go down...

What a waste! Hiking with all my winter gear on when the spring sun was piping hot, needless to say snowboard was heavy too. All that hard work, and my legs won't move. All that was going through my head was, this is steep, and Ming and Skye were cheering me on in the back. Eventually I got down, not as gracefully as I imagined. I was so angry about wasting a hike, I hiked it and snowboarded down again :P

So it is this constant challenge about snowboarding that I like, if I was afraid of riding on a feature or going down a run, I try to tell myself how happy snowboarding makes me feel, and do it. It is a lot like life, there will always be risks, uncertainties, and fear of something, but as long as you remember how fun and happy living is suppose to be, then it's okay. Granted there are times that you choose to give up, not every battle is worth fighting, you got to live to snowboard another day. Who the heck invented the word "Comfort zone" anyways? It doesn't really exist.

Summer :)

This week is go-time at work, we're at the end of a long term project: a complete rebrand! New logo, new packaging, and new website. I think the team has mixed emotions, we are definitely excited, but in the meantime, tired, sometimes frustrated, nervous... It's a great time to get to know each other better, and personally for me, a good time to learn how to inhale stress, and make it disappear :) 

The bottom line is, work is work. Even though I enjoy every second of it, and would not trade it for anything else, I often wonder was there a possibility that I stuck with the non-profit food justice sect. With my current job in the chocolate industry, my free time goes to reading chocolate news, learning about tastes, food pairings, and visit other chocolate shops. We can't have everything, I tell myself, it's not that I've forgotten what I care about and ultimately want to do, I'll just have to be patient. 

Last week, I went to the Annual Chocolate Salon, and there was a presentation regarding fair trade chocolates and cocoa bean processing. The presenters are two chocolatiers in the industry who constantly travels to South America where the beans are grown, and work directly with their farmers. I literally jumped out of my seat in the middle of the presentation. I forgot about work, and I have so many questions for them. It seems so simple, there's food justice issues everywhere, I'm in the chocolate industry already, mind as well get involved. So I asked for their contact with the intent of volunteering for their cocoa sourcing group.

Unfortunately, work has been so overwhelming lately, I'll have to get to it next week :P

And as time flies, summer's here already! I am so excited, I'm hoping for a good bike trip, some good hikes, and farmer's market adventures!

A morsel of sugar, a morsel of sh**

Believe me, the title of this post is a legit Canto saying. A very wise and graceful way of describing life. And in a way, I think it accurately describes how I feel in the past couple of weeks.
I have always interpreted everything around me as brightly positive, even though I know there are always ups and downs, Friends who know me understand what I mean. Elaine and her stupid grin on her face. By the way, Animee, it's great to know that you read my blog, thanks :)
But I can't say that for myself for the past three weeks. Something just doesn't feel too right. As always, time flies, there's lots to do at work, sometimes I feel healthy and sometimes not, sometimes I laugh at jokes and sometimes I get angry at things. Everything seems pretty normal, but I don't get that brightly positive aura surrounding me, and I don't know why.
I even burned incense in the house to try clear the negative energy (what? it's worth a try) and challenged myself on some more technical moves on the snowboard (adrenaline might help)
But I still feel pretty gloomy.
Then lately my college friends started chatting about the topic of adulthood on our email exchange... and I think I figured out the source of my gloom
Adulthood: we have a general consensus that we should have... a job, a steady relationship, a brain, an air of maturity... success?!
And on the surface I seem to have it all: hell, I'm the first to get married, I found a job, I rent a house, I have in-laws?!
Yet, I don't think my actions fit any of the adult consensus: I leave the stove on, starved my husband because I have work (don't get judgemental, he was waiting in the car to pick me up, Ming can certainly and willingly cook dinner), abandoned the laundry, careless mistakes at work, say stupid things in front of my boss, barely took care of my sick spouse... but I tried so hard.
How we feel all comes back to the question, are we meeting our expectations, well, I guess I expected once I got married, I'm happily ever after, once I got hired, I'm already rocking the job, once we rented that house, I know how to keep a house. WRONG, I don't. I don't know, and I have to learn, and adapt. My living patterns still very much resembles college, and it's one step forward three steps back. But one day when I look back, I hope I can see that I've moved forward, at least a bit.

Apple pie for the sick and wounded

Ming and I are part of a CSA Program (Community Supported Agriculture), and we get a box of groceries delivered to our door every Monday. The great part of this farm is that they also let us exclude certain vegetables if we wish to, for example, we excluded butternut squash after eating it every week all winter. There is another item I also want to omit from the list. Apples, we have been eating apples since we joined the program.

But Ming insisted we should keep apples on our list, and promised me he would eat them. He missed the part that he will eat them only in the form of apple pies. Well, who's going to make them? Ming said he would, but he did mention once he sees how much butter is in that pie, he might never eat apple pie again. I think that's too big of a risk to take, so I rolled up my sleeves...

Never made pie growing up, but I have a great friend who taught me how to make strawberry rhubarb pie when I came to the US. So apple pie's not that hard.

Unfortunately, once the pie was made, Ming got taken away by this flu that was spreading around his office. And pie-eating was out of the question for him. Luckily I needed that pie... last week was accident galore for me. I scratched my cornea, stubbed my toe, my lips are cracked and in pain... pie sounds really good right now.

March 5

Ming's been busy lately, in the middle of some big projects at work. More or less, there's pressure, there's less play and more work, there's frustration. However, in the end one of his co-workers said, "But it's kind of fun, isn't it?" And he totally agrees, nothing feels like facing a challenge and giving your all to it.
And while that's been happening, his birthday's coming up. For some strange coincidence, my husband and my only brother share the same birthday, scary right? That's actually good, less dates to remember; unless you forget, then you get into double trouble :)
So cutting this week's post a little short, need to catch up on some chores.
By the way, guess what I got for Ming as a birthday present? The Run! Zombie App! It's a fitness app that simulates deadly zombie chases so you can run faster. I think as my husband, it's never too early to start training for the zombie apocalypse, right?

Talking to Myself

Last week in the middle of a work day, my co-worker turned to me and said, "I'm glad I'm not the only one who talks to myself." 

I have been talking to myself ever since I can remember, and it comes so naturally that I thought everybody talks to themselves too. Obviously, they don't. And I do felt slightly defensive when someone comments, "Wow, you talk to yourself a lot." Yes, because that's usually how I think: sometimes my voice and my brain would have a healthy debate, sometimes they have a calm discussion, sometimes my voice tell my barin what to do, and my brain would follow word for word.

So as you imagine, when my co-worker and I are in the office, we would seem to be having a conversation with each other. But once you listen closely, we are actually both talking to ourselves, figuring out work.

I'm glad I found someone with the same quirky habits :)

On a side note, Ming and I ate Indian food for dinner tonight, we haven't had Indian food for a while so I was really excited! Long story short, BEST Saag Gosht I ever had! I like saag gosht but I never order it because there' ten thousand delicious things to order. This time it was love at first bite, all the spices and flavors exploded in my mouth, turned into fairy angels and danced around me throughout my meal. And if you guys want to try it, you should visit me :) 

Jiro Dreams of Sushi

I took this Monday off so we can have a three-day snowboarding vacation :) And last night we casually flipped through Netflix and watched a great movie: Jiro Dreams of Sushi
This is a documentary about Jiro Ono, a master sushi chef who dedicated his whole life to make perfect sushi. When the documentary was filmed in 2011, he owned a michelin three-star restaurant, he was 85 and still oversaw every single detail of the restaurant everyday. From the quality of ingredients, customer seating, atmosphere etc, he loved his work so much he detested holidays. For someone who just ran away from work, the movie gave me the right dose of motivation I needed.

To Master Jiro, he doesn't work for money, nor fame, but to strive for improvement, and perfection. He started as a sushi apprentice when he was 9, and at 85, he still does not think his sushi making has reached perfection yet... and he is thrilled to challenge that goal everyday.
Apart from having a motivating message, the movie also have enticing food scenes, featuring his works of art. Many friends or classmates from my old marine biology class know I have a connection with the tuna, I am passionately in love with the animal, for its speed, size, robust structure etc. Because of my love and respect for them, and also knowing it has been severely overfished in the past 3 decades, I refuse to eat it, even though I know it's delicious. Watching that movie torn me apart, the lean tuna sushi, aka akami nigiri, glistering soy sauce, looked like a shining red ruby. I have never seen anything like that before, and I can't get that image out of my head. Oh! The temptation...
So after watching that movie, I'm inspired to give my all in everything I do, one of them is becoming a chocolate connoisseur. I know it sounds like a joke, but in my case I think it would take some work. I wasn't born with a sensitive palette, there are people who gravitate towards good food since birth, I eat everything. I remember when I was an adolescent we went to army camp, and during mealtime one fellow commented that the food sucks. I don't remember how I responded but I'm pretty sure I just shrugged my shoulders and kept eating. I wasn't aware of taste until I started eating out with my friends. Then when I started cooking, I started being more sensitive to flavors, smell, and texture. Obviously, my sense of taste is a result of learning and training rather than a natural talent. And so I think it's time to eat more chocolates!

Chinese New Year, Yay!

Roughly two weeks ago, I started a new role at work. It is a very exciting time, things to learn, people to meet, projects to design... Unfortunately that also means, I gave up a lot of my free time in order to settle into my new job. Time that I used to make dinner, lunch, clean, fold clothes (at least I still do laundry :P)...

So when my mother asked me, what was I going to do for Chinese New Year, I thought, let's have minimal expectations.

I mean, it is our first year Ming and I are going to spend Chinese New Year as a couple and of course I want to do everything right: have a spotless house, new clothes, decorations, and THE FEAST...

But face it, Chinese New Year is this Sunday, and Valentine's Day the week after! What does Valentine's Day have to do with me? Hello! I work for a chocolate shop. 

Thus, I think this week, I will allocate a little time each day to work on tidying the house, maybe get some flowers after work, buy some oranges (symbolizes good health), if we really push it, we can get get some pomelo leaves from Chinatown (bathing in it at New Year's Eve washes bad luck away). It's really late starting preparations now, but better than never :)

Side note: I bruised myself pretty badly snowboarding last weekend, thank god for helmets. But I did get something positive out of it, at least enough to stop people trying to talk me out of playing this sport. If you fell really hard, it meant you were probably up pretty high, or riding really fast. And isn't that great after all? Because most probably you'll be back up there in no time again. 

Two Pieces of Toast for Breakfast

Lately, I haven't been eating breakfast. Mornings are a bit of a rush, wake up, shower, get dressed, put on some makeup, and off running to work. This morning, I planned ahead and ate two pieces of hot toast. Wow! It made all the difference, I felt wonderful until I got hungry again at twelve :P I found this as a great introduction to something I have wanted to write about for quite a while, choices.

I admit, I'm a proud person. I like over-achieving, I hate failing; criticisms annoy me but I learned to listen because it steers me away from failing. This part of my personality is a big contributing factor to where and who I am now. It also is a huge cause to a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety. The reason I wasn't eating breakfast is because I want to be early for work. I want to do more and make sure I have a solid start for 2013. I keep thinking I don't have a choice, then I realize, I totally have a choice, I just didn't like the other options. 

I can wake up ten minutes earlier, or I can be ten minutes late for work. I can risk having my boss slightly annoyed by walking in late, ultimately, I can quit my job! This discovery doesn't change my actions, but in my mind, the discovery is very liberating. It reminds me, my situation is the result of the choices I make.

When I first moved to San Francisco, it was quite challenging. Getting lost all the time, trying to find a home, trying to find the grocers, trying to find friends, trying to find a job... when I get really frustrated, I wonder why all this? moving to San Francisco wasn't my choice. Just so happens the man I married lives in San Francisco, and you don't choose who you fall in love with. And now I kind of get it, I totally have choices, I just liked marrying him best. And I guess, it's time to take full responsibility of my own choices. 

Someone told me once I'm really good at learning from my mistakes, which I think, okay, more or less. Unfortunately, he missed out the part that I often unlearn after I learn, and it takes another mistake to remind me something I already know. Let's hope this time it's going to be different.

Facing uncertainties (I hate that feeling)

Originally I planned to write this blog hours ago, but dinner dragged on because the restaurant was understaffed and service was slow... then I started a very simple project to get a head start for tomorrow's work, which took longer than I though it would, and then Ming had to play this very very interesting snowboarding movie right next to me when I was trying to work (we sit side by side in our home office) so the blog writing got postponed till now. My mother would say I lack focus and discipline, but I would tie the events of this evening back to uncertainty.

Just this past weekend, I rode my first boarder cross on a snowboard. A boarder cross is a race course on snow designed with curves and rollers to help competitors accelerate in speed. Obviously very soon I found myself loosing control and speeding down the boarder cross, shooting up to the skies, then crashing and tumbling into the snow. When I made it out, I freaked out at Ming, "How dare you take me on that course!" And Ming gave me a very calm and logical response, "You should always be in control of your speed." I wasn't listening, I kept on screaming at him, for a LONG time.
Poor Ming, I would never do that to other people. I mean, blaming someone else for my own vulnerability? My pride would not let me. I hope he can understand that me abusing his affection is a sign of my absolute trust and commitment to companionship. By the way, have you heard Leos are rather self-centered? No? Must try harder then.

But my point is this, fear was what led me to attack, my fear for uncertainty; the fear of realizing I could not control my speed on the board, and I got defensive. During childhood, school and my parents gave me an illusion of certainty. There was always sunday trips, there was always dinner on the table, and there was always mom and dad. And I would go to primary school, then secondary school, then university. I must have liked it so much I took certainty for granted, or rather I see certainty as normality. When things aren't certain, then something must be wrong. I get very annoyed when my written plans got side tracked, and evaluated that failure as bad time management, bad planning, lack of disciplining on my own part.

Since last year May, I started living without school nor my parents close to me for the first time in my life. And I started to understand, and slowly come to terms that certainty was a privilege and not a right. What does that mean? Means going to college doesn't guarantee you a job, means even after you got a job you have to proactively try to keep it, means there are no guidelines in life, just vague advices... and uncertainty is normal. I am trying to enjoy it. Uncertainty is a scary feeling, but at least it's not boring, and there's always a bright side.

Hopefully, like in snowboarding, every once in a while when you push yourself outside of your comfort zone, you will be rewarded with greatness. And all those bruises will be worth it.

Nightmares and clothes

I believe dreams are a way my mind or body tries to give me a hint to living a happier life, or being a better person. So I take extra care in trying to remember my dreams. Since I was young I rarely get happy dreams, they weren't scary either... mostly confusing. I didn't know what was going on, why, where we are going, or where we came from.

Then when I get to my early teens, I started dreaming about all my teeth falling off... Later someone told me that's a sign of stress and actually many people have similar dreams too. It's a relief to know I'm not alone, but that was also a bummer to realize I was stressed out.

The stressful dreams continue, when I was in high school I dream about people chasing me, and worse? I can only run in slow motion. I even jumped off a cliff once so they won't catch me, only to find out I fell gradually in slow motion. I had an army chasing me, psycho killers, aliens, zombies, zombies from another planet, that would make them alien zombies?

Then one day, when I was being chased again, two really weird people helped me hide in their pub and killed the people who were chasing me. I know it sounds violent but I was so happy when I woke up, first time I didn't wake up in panic from a dream being chased.

Gradually the chasing dreams stopped and they became zombie dreams... the recurring characteristics being I'm in a secure location, but these zombies from outside keep sticking their arms in and try to grab me... I know it sounds scary but honestly I wasn't scared. The real changing point, and the reason I'm writing this post is I started fighting the zombies two weeks ago! Knowing that I'm finally in control of my nightmares is a great, great feeling!

Laugh at me however you want, but I am pretty sure this change was because I started watching The Walking Dead. For years, I'm obsessed with the zombie apocalypse, but the series showed me that after the chaos, life continues, and it's up to you to make it better. 

I saw my gradual change flash in front of my eyes when I was cleaning out my closet a couple days ago. Taking out clothing I've worn for years brings back memories, places I've been, and what I was thinking when I was wearing those clothes... 

Last thing to add, I do have good dreams, I dreamt of sailing once, with the sun and wind in my face and feeling free as ever. I dreamt of being rescued by Jack Sparrow once, and we flew off into the sunset, hanging on a loose sail. When I was fourteen I had a dream that I have a boyfriend , and he was a professional tennis player... etc etc

And the jet lag...

I remember when I came to San Francisco from Hong Kong on June 2011, by day I work for Urban Sprouts as a summer intern, and by night Ming and I would go out on a date. Usually he picks me up from work and we would have early supper. By the time my food is almost finished, I can barely keep my eyes open. We'd have to skip dessert, scream for the bill, and as soon as my butt touches the car seat, I'm dead asleep.
At 6am, I wake up, STARVING!
That was my routine at least for the entire first week.
Similar to last year, coming back from Hong Kong this year, the jet lag is killing me... most mornings I wake up at 4am, and by 5pm I fall asleep in the subway station bench waiting for the train to go home. One day I was so frustrated I considered yanking an old women off her seat so I can doze off more comfortably.
But even though I am having a lazy start, 2013 has to be another exciting year. New challenges and plans at work, still battling to reclaim my backyard, lots of snow and snowboarding training at Tahoe, and can't wait to meet my little niece who shall be born in a couple of months!

I call this karma... I work in food marketing and use fancy descriptions to dazzle people. Then after work I got dazzled by this charming waiter and his mouth watering descriptions to getting a dish I should never have ordered... no matter how perfectly cooked, it's a ginormous piece of pork rib

 New Year resolution: don't think, don't worry...

Christmas in Hong Kong

Hong Kong is where I spent the first twenty years of my life, where I call home, and where most my family resides. Getting married last May also meant I will be living in San Francisco for the next few years. In the future? Who knows where will we be living? People have moved and migrated for thousands of years based on various reasons, so I have learned to be calm about wherever fate puts me. But, I miss Hong Kong a lot. Spending christmas in Hong Kong this year, I realized this city is changing, without me. While that was happening, I was learning how to live in San Francisco. Oh well, I guess it is what it is.
I wish I had a picture, but one of the most significant changes to me was the crowds. I thought Hong Kong was crowded when I grew up, but wow! Two days after we arrived we found ourselves walking down the streets of Causeway Bay, jet lag and tired, both Ming and I were not ready to face the mob. In the midst of "a sea of black heads" as Ming put it, all walking fast, and going somewhere. It's very easy to feel anxious and disoriented. My recurring thought was, this is not a good place to be if a zombie apocalypse happens. But apart from that, everything was within walking distance or several metro stops away, so living in crowded city does have its perks.
Nine days was a really short trip if you ask me, we tried doing everything we set out doing. Seeing family, friends, eat, and show Ming some places that are important to me. And before we knew, we were on our way back to the US already. And on the plane I finally took my brothers recommendation and saw "Seeking a Friend for the End of the World," when the world was ending, that saying "There will never be enough time" becomes literally true and so much more profound. There is SO never enough time, Happy 2013 everyone, enjoy whatever we got!

The ocean 5 minutes away from my parents apartment, one of my favorite places growing up  

Mom, dad, grandma preparing for multiple christmas feasts 

Had a loud and happy lunch with my high school friends, it's amazing to see how we've grown . If anyone would like to learn the most embarrassing things about my past, contact any one of them, they would gladly tell you how 'cool' I was back in the day.