Believe me, the title of this post is a legit Canto saying. A very wise and graceful way of describing life. And in a way, I think it accurately describes how I feel in the past couple of weeks.
I have always interpreted everything around me as brightly positive, even though I know there are always ups and downs, Friends who know me understand what I mean. Elaine and her stupid grin on her face. By the way, Animee, it's great to know that you read my blog, thanks :)
But I can't say that for myself for the past three weeks. Something just doesn't feel too right. As always, time flies, there's lots to do at work, sometimes I feel healthy and sometimes not, sometimes I laugh at jokes and sometimes I get angry at things. Everything seems pretty normal, but I don't get that brightly positive aura surrounding me, and I don't know why.
I even burned incense in the house to try clear the negative energy (what? it's worth a try) and challenged myself on some more technical moves on the snowboard (adrenaline might help)
But I still feel pretty gloomy.
Then lately my college friends started chatting about the topic of adulthood on our email exchange... and I think I figured out the source of my gloom
Adulthood: we have a general consensus that we should have... a job, a steady relationship, a brain, an air of maturity... success?!
And on the surface I seem to have it all: hell, I'm the first to get married, I found a job, I rent a house, I have in-laws?!
Yet, I don't think my actions fit any of the adult consensus: I leave the stove on, starved my husband because I have work (don't get judgemental, he was waiting in the car to pick me up, Ming can certainly and willingly cook dinner), abandoned the laundry, careless mistakes at work, say stupid things in front of my boss, barely took care of my sick spouse... but I tried so hard.
How we feel all comes back to the question, are we meeting our expectations, well, I guess I expected once I got married, I'm happily ever after, once I got hired, I'm already rocking the job, once we rented that house, I know how to keep a house. WRONG, I don't. I don't know, and I have to learn, and adapt. My living patterns still very much resembles college, and it's one step forward three steps back. But one day when I look back, I hope I can see that I've moved forward, at least a bit.
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